


The Calm Before The Storm

by KillianJones32



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Canon Compliant, Depressive Thoughts, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 07:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10080056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillianJones32/pseuds/KillianJones32
Summary: Seamus feels lost and numb following the death of his headmaster but luckily his best friend is there to take care of him.





	

The flames were a beautiful, mesmerising orange colour. Seamus never thought of the colour orange as rather beautiful before but now he can’t help but feel captivated by it.

The way the colours strengthened as the small fire began at the end of the bed before catching onto the duvet and growing larger than he would have liked, felt more magical than any spell he had ever deliberately cast.

The thick, disgusting scent of smoke drifted into his nose causing Seamus to shiver despite the increasing heat.

He caused this beautiful madness.

He watches as his once navy duvet becomes a multi-colored rainbow of pale red, vibrant orange and soft yellow. In the back of his mind Seamus knows that this will all turn to plain grey ash in a few hours but he doesn’t seem to care right now.

At least he’s able to do something; even if the only talent he has is destroying things, at least this is something he can do.

Seamus feels his eyes begin to droop despite the racing beat of his heart pounding hard against his chest.

His hands lie uselessly at his sides and the small reasonable voice inside his mind begs him to move away from the bed, yells at him to use his wand and cast a spell to quell the fire, and desperately cries at him to just walk away. 

It takes a second for Seamus to realise that the voice isn’t in his head. And even then he doesn’t realise it until a firm large hand grips his shoulder and tugs him back until he’s tumbling into familiar arms that have always felt so much like home.

“Aguamenti!” The same voice shouts, the owner’s hand is clutching at their wand which water erupts from and almost instantly the fire has been burnt out.

Seamus tries not to feel the clench of disappointment in his stomach at one of the only things he has ever created being destroyed.

“What the hell were you thinking?” 

Seamus’s head clears and when he looks up he sees Dean’s panicked brown eyes searching his face while those hands move to grip his shoulder tightly. 

He’s not surprised that he wasn’t able to differentiate the voice in his head from Dean.

Dean has always been his voice of reason after all. 

“It was an accident” Seamus’s throat is dry so his words don’t come out as strong and believable as he would have liked but there’s not much he can do about it now.

“An accident?” Dean questions softly.

Seamus is aware that Dean asked him a question but it takes him a minute to respond as he’s far too distracted by Dean’s hands moving from his shoulder, down his arm and then back up again repeatedly.

“Y-yeah.” Seamus swallows and continues “I was trying to do that potion we learned the other day. I couldn’t get it remember? And I know Snape is…well he’s probably gone now. But we still have exams…or we probably will. So…so I just thought I’d try it again.” 

Dean’s eyes flit back and forth between Seamus’s and he knows that Dean is trying to figure out if he’s telling the truth or not. 

“No that’s impossible, how the fuck did you get it to catch fire?!” 

“I already told you-” 

“There was nothing that could cause a fire in the ingredients for that potion Seamus!” 

Dean’s voice rose to a height that Seamus has never heard him use before and it causes Seamus to sink into himself slightly. Reminding himself that this is Dean, his Dean and not his dad after another night of drinking in the pub, Seamus takes a deep breath and forces himself to speak, 

“I…I don’t know what I did wrong…I’m sorry Dean.” 

Dean softens, his grip loosens but he doesn’t let go of the fabric of Seamus’s sleeves. 

Seamus wonders if Dean notices that he’s wearing the muggle shirt that Dean gave him for his birthday in third year. Part of him hopes he remembers, the other hopes he has forgotten so he doesn’t realise that Seamus wears this shirt every other day and puts the pieces of Seamus’s true feelings together. 

“Are you alright?” Dean asks, concern laced in his voice and Seamus nods even though alright isn’t exactly how he’d describe himself right now. 

If Dean notices this, he doesn’t say anything which Seamus is immensely grateful for. 

Instead, Dean casts an air-freshening spell which evaporates the lingering smoke and its smell. He then draws the curtains closed around Seamus’s bed tightly. Seamus frowns, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion. Dean merely offers him a half shrug. 

“We can fix the duvet in the morning. But its late now, it’s been a…long day…and even though I doubt Harry or Ron will make it back to the dormitory soon, Neville might so he doesn’t need to see it and…think something worse happened.” 

Seamus nods in agreement. The last he heard Ron and Harry were with Ron’s eldest brother in the hospital wing and Neville was probably still with Ginny and Luna mourning with the others. 

Seamus wasn’t in the mood to be around people right now. He can’t grieve in public, he can’t show how he truly feels in public and he certainly can’t set things on fire in public just in the hopes that it’ll make him feel something again. 

“Come on,” Dean reaches out a hand and takes Seamus’s hand in his, “You should get some rest.” 

Seamus dumbly nods and allows Dean to guide him towards his bed beside Seamus’s ruined one.

Dean practically sits Seamus on the bed and in any other situation, Seamus would be humiliated at being treated like an invalid but now he just lets Dean take care of him. 

Because who knows how long this quiet calm before the storm will last. 

Dean turns to walk away and Seamus doesn’t even know what he’s doing until he feels his own hand fly out to grab Dean’s hand tightly, his eyes wide in alarm. 

Dean whirls around and catching the terrified expression on his best friend’s face, he rushes to reassure him. 

“I was just going to fetch you your pyjamas.” He explains gently “I’ll be back in a minute. Then I’ll change in the bathroom and we can go to bed.” 

“And you won’t leave after that?” Seamus asks, despising how small and weak he sounds. 

Dean reaches forward and brushes a few strands of Seamus’s blonde hair back from his eyes gently. 

“Yeah, I won’t leave after that.” 

A flicker of something uncertain passes across Dean’s eyes and if Seamus were more aware he would call him out on it but right now he’s content to just follow Dean’s word.

Dean does as he promised, he brings Seamus his pyjamas and by the time Seamus has put them on, Dean is already knocking on the curtain to come back in. 

“You don’t have to knock it’s your bed” Seamus mumbles, mindlessly playing with a loose thread on his plain black pyjama bottoms. 

Dean hesitates for a minute before coming in and closing the curtain behind him one final time, making sure to spell it shut so their roommates don’t see them and jump to any conclusions. 

Not that Seamus would mind…he wouldn’t mind at all but…Dean probably would. 

Seamus looks up and sees Dean putting away his clothes from today. 

He’s now wearing a loose Gryffindor maroon and gold T-shirt and grey sweatpants that hang low on his hips. 

Seamus looks away and tries to block out the taunting voice in his head that reminds him that he can never ever have Dean. 

But what frightens him more is that even now he still can’t feel anything. 

Not remorse for burning his bed, not guilt for putting Dean out like this, not lust for Dean even though if he saw Dean in those sweatpants any other time Seamus would have turned into a puddle on the floor and he certainly doesn’t feel the bubble of joy in his chest that appears whenever he sees his best friend. 

No…now he just feels hollow…empty. 

And yet at the same time Seamus has never felt more terrified in his life. 

Silently Dean pulls back the covers and slips into the right side of the bed. 

Seamus watches him, his mind screaming at him to do something but his limbs refuse to move. 

Thankfully Dean has always been more perceptive than your average wizard and he smiles encouragingly at him. 

“It’s alright Shay.” 

Those three words shut down any cruel mocking words fluttering around in Seamus’s mind and they give him the courage to follow Dean’s lead as he slips into the left side of Dean’s bed. 

Dean turns out the light and for what feels like hours, they simply stare at one another. 

Their fingers lightly brush against each other’s too often to be claimed as accidental and every so often Seamus can feel Dean nudging his legs ever so slightly closer to his. 

Seamus can’t complain as he’s doing to the same thing. 

The tiredness is setting in and both of them have yawned a handful of times each but neither of them seems willing to try and sleep. 

They are probably too aware that if they sleep they’ll only dream of a looming shadow of You-Know-Who, of the cackling sounds of death eaters they encountered just a few hours previously, green curses flying towards them and not only hitting themselves but each other and most of all they’ll see their once invincible headmaster lying cold and motionless on the floor.

“This is the start of it isn’t it?” Dean whispers into the dark, breaking the tender silence.

“The start of what?” 

“The start of the war.” Dean says simply 

Seamus swallows hard, “Yeah…yeah I think it is.” 

Their fingers brush again. 

“I mightn’t…” Dean takes in a deep breath before continuing “I might not be able to always be here.” 

Seamus’s body freezes. Suddenly everything clicks in his mind. 

This is why he’s felt numb for hours, this is why he blocked out any thoughts of Dean so much that he didn’t immediately recognise his voice and this is why Seamus didn’t particularly care when his bed went up in flames with him right beside it. 

Because there is now a chance that he could lose Dean. 

His best friend, his clever, artistic, brilliant best friend who is likely a muggle-born, who’s definitely likely to be a target in this war they’ve been catapulted into.

His best friend who Seamus just so happens to be completely in love with. 

“Don’t…don’t say that.” Seamus protests

“But it’s-” 

“No!” Seamus’s voice is the one to rise this time, his eyes shine brightly in the darkness of the dead of night and he hopes that Dean can see the determination he feels in them, “Don’t talk like that Dean, just don’t.” 

Silence embraces them for a minute, they’re lying so close that Seamus can hear the steady sound of Dean’s breathing and even faintly hears the soft, calming beating of Dean’s pure heart. 

Then Dean’s hands don’t just brush against Seamus’s but instead their fingers intently interlock with Seamus’s.

“I don’t want to leave you.” Dean promises, honestly dripping from his lips. 

Seamus squeezes his eyes shut as the tears that have been slowly building for the past few hours finally rise to the surface. He sniffs once but shuffles closer to Dean in an attempt to be closer to him but also to cover up the noise of his futile attempts not to cry. 

Their legs are pressed against each other now and their hands clasp together in the centre of their chests, acting as the only barrier between them.

There are so many things that Seamus wants to say, so many declarations, thoughts, desires that he has bottled up and kept hidden for years that he knows he needs to come clean about. 

But tonight’s not the night for that. 

But Seamus does take one step, he takes one small, tiny step forwards into what he hopes the two of them could be someday and he dares to lean his head down and kiss the back of Dean’s hand softly.

Laying his head back against the pillow, he can now feel Dean’s breath on his cheek and Seamus knows that shouldn’t be as calming for him as it is. 

“I know.” Seamus finally says “I don’t want to leave you either.” 

Finally they begin to drift off to sleep, both too exhausted and drained to fight off their fatigue any longer. 

Seamus almost thinks he hears Dean mumble a few words back to him a while later but unfortunately he was just falling asleep at that point so he never heard exactly what they were.


End file.
